The focus of my life has become ‘people’, I am trying to drive my happiness from how well others are doing. You can guess that this is not working well for me. I am not sure when and how I started to do this, but this policy needs a change. Caring for people is one thing and basing your happiness on their well being is another (on that note, happiness is a trap. Don’t fall for it). I think it might be because I reached my goals and then decided to help others get to theirs’ and half way through, I lost my sense of purpose. May be.
When I look back (way way back), I was an awesome kid. I did what I wanted and never bothered about how the world looks down at it. I was in my own awesome world. Making my own things and having my own rules. I was highly creative and what other kids did with there lives never crossed my mind. ‘Am I doing the right thing?’, ‘Am I being responsible?’, ‘What should I do?’ questions like these never occurred to me. Wonder when I gave up on being awesome and started to follow along the tunes of society and fitting into the mold designed by someone else. Now when I get sometime to sit and think over it again, I feel I really have the basics of life and there is really no reason to be mopping about anything. I am going to go do whatever I like and stop bothering about it being right or wrong.
Yes of course, I shall remember that I now have responsibilities. But will also remember not to kill myself with the guilt of not meeting expectations and feeling emotionally over burdened by it. It’s okay to screw up and be stupid I guess. Space to make errors should be allowed.
At some point I am just not going to be bothered. That wastes a lot of my energy. Worry drains the mind of it’s capacity. I’d rather act on things irrespective of what others think. That being said, what I am going to start doing is paint, do some craft, travel and meet new people, celebrate with people around me, play video games, go on long drive, read a lot of books, I can’t live without doing Physics, ECE and Mathematics so I am going to do that as well.
I wanted to grow up being a toy maker. And it’s about time I go build things.